I know that I have been absent for quite some time now and I had promised to be back well alas the day has a arrived and I’m back baby!!!
First Things first let’s play catch up. So when I last left you Jackson was 2 and he is nearing three and boy are those terrible 2’s really kicking in. He has gotten incredibly smart and intelligent also to the point where he is tricking me. How can a simple near-3 year trick an adult you may ask your self? Well the answer is clear with those big brown doe eyes of his. Every time I turn around he is doing something he is not suppose but when mommy starts to get angry he looks up at me with those puppy dog eyes and the big weeping lip and says “I sorry mama” then he continues to kiss me and say “it’s okay momma. I make it all better.” Now by this point most of you are saying well that wouldn’t work on me I would never let my child act out and then I counter ask you Well do you have a child? If the answer is “NO” please keep your comments and advice to yourself if the answer is “Yes” then advice welcome, heeded and if I see fit used but I’m piling my way through this thing called parenthood just like everyone else. Do I have all the answers “No”. Do I make mistakes “Yes”. Do I often feel like I’m failing as a mother “all the time”.
But two things I do know is that 1. “I love my child more then life itself” and 2. “I would do anything to help him succeed”. With Parenting there are two categories you are placed into which are a quote “Good Parent” or quote “Bad Parent” needless to say you don’t ever want to be put into the “Bad Parent” category. Parenting is much more then that though. It’s not just good/bad there is so much in the middle of it that can’t be brush off it matters and need to be recognized. Like the question does it make me a bad mother for not being a stay-a-home mom and spend every waking hour with my son? Or does it make me a “Good” mother for furthering my education in order to get the good career so you can provide for that lovely little one and give that child everything you never had. People don’t understand the dynamic I have with my son and probably never will because even if they have a child of their own you can never compare one parental relationship with another they are all different and unique and complex so to just say that there is two ways of doing something would be wrong. People find ways to do things different all the time.
I don’t think it’s so much people that put the pressure upon us parents, as it is ourselves. I find numerous different thoughts and worries running through my head on a constant basis like:
“I don’t think I’m spending enough time with Jackson” – Label “Bad Mom” or
“God, I’m so tired and can’t find the energy to give him a bath tonight we will tomorrow.” -Label “Bad Mom” or
“Looking up milestones for your child and discovering wait he doesn’t do that yet. Is he behind developmentally? I should have worked more on that.” -Label “Bad Mom” or
“God he didn’t eat anything from the beautiful breakfast I made” or “Did I dress him warm enough?” or “I hope he is growing okay?” or “I hope I didn’t dress him too warm to the point of over heating?” -All Label BAD MOM
I know that Worrying is the only part of parenting that I actually got right but sometimes I wish that I could have an Angel come down from Heaven and say “Wow! What a Wonderful job you are doing,” or even a checklist for myself to be lead to the route to be a better mom.
This whole rant comes after a meeting I had at Jackson’s School with his teachers about his behavioral problems. I’m pretty much at my wits end here. His social and emotion levels are not upon to par AKA He Hits. He hits Teachers He Hits Students, and He even hits his Director. I have been through the procedure or find the right therapist and working with him in the school. Well the first brought in another to work with and then they brought in a third. So I have three Social Worker/ Therapist who specialize in early intervention problems within children all telling me that he needs more help and support.
So wait I don’t understand the three of you aren’t helping his improvement let alone his two teachers in the classroom. I just don’t understand why, how, when and what to do to prevent it because newsflash I’m not there. Am I supposed to punish him when he gets out of school? After the fact when the deed is already done and over will and now he doesn’t understand why he is getting in trouble. I think they just put so much pressure on a Two year old that doesn’t really know what’s going on.
It sucks this feeling inside of the pit of my stomach, sucks. I feel hopeless and frustrated that the people telling me that they can help my child are referring me to others whom they think will better suit him. So even with the team of three and the pair of tow in the classroom my son hasn’t improved with his hitting habit. I hate to have that child that everyone labels as “Bad”. Why do you even have to label children as well? I wish that they could just see what I see. My Sweet, innocent child who loves his mommy and Jake and The Never land Pirates. Whenever someone gets hurt at the house he is the first to kiss it better and protect and heal. So why is this behavior not transitioning into the classroom. I cannot understand!
With that I will leave you if you have any advice or comments please feel free to drop them in the comment box, I open!
This is a good time to say “AHHHHHHH REAL MONSTERS!!!”